sarcastic fantastic

I don’t feel there is “bad karma“.  Karma is simply karma.

Karma is a natural law of cause and affect.  Because it is a force of nature and not an “entity” making judgments, there are no labels of good or bad.  It is simply the result of an action, a cause.  Because of this action, I got this reaction.  Like Newton’s 3rd law states, “To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.”

I have seen many, many times, with myself and others, where past actions are accounted for in some way at a later time.  I definitely believe that what goes around comes around…..

Miss teryoso: Hey! can i bum a smoke?

Mr. Pure Energy: Sure girl! here, smoke all you can. Hahaha

Miss teryoso: Hey, have you heard about Sherlock?

* Miss teryoso assumed they’re friends since they share the same blood. (hehe, you know what I mean..)

Mr. Pure Energy: Hell no! FYI, I’m not friends with him. *looks agitated* I mean yep, we say hi, hello and goodbye like all civilized people do. But that’s it..

Miss teryoso: Really? Hmmm.. Anyway, seems I’m the one closer to the guy. It’s like we chat and joke once in a while when he’s still working here.

Mr. Pure Energy: OKAY. Anyway, I don’t have any personal issues with him but maybe It’s just his lifestyle that i dont like. I mean he’s trying too hard to show the world how he’s UPPER CLASS and seems all the other creatures in this fucked-up place should kiss his ass!?! Like he goes, OMG.. I hate to be seen in these cheap bars and joints..

Miss teryoso: EEEeelk. Upper class pathetic loser my ass. Know what? had the same observation also.. but why the fuck most people think alike about him? Sorry about the pathetic loser part. Hehe Do i sound bitchy?

Mr. Pure Energy: Hell yea.

Miss teryoso: Come on. Okay, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. You know, we both don’t know him that well. Stuff like where he came from, if he’s just unhappy or how mighty he really is and shit.

Mr. Pure Energy: HELLOW. He’s been telling people how poor his family was and how used he is with cheap living. You know, sad story tearjerker. What do you think Princess Diana, tell me now.

Miss teryoso: *shrugged* Maybe that’s because of his past dude. Well, the guy was deprived and has been through a lot. So maybe he’s enjoying what he’s having now..

Mr. Pure Energy: Fine, Alpine. But damn, he doesn’t need to change his whole self and portray a completely different one. I mean it doesn’t help him at all. Most crooks thinks he a TRYING HARD BIGTIME bastard. Get what i mean?

Miss teryoso: Definitely maybe. ANYWAY, too much of that. Can I share something a bit similar to our subject? Hehe *with beautiful eyes*

Mr. Pure Energy: Ok i’m listening..

Miss teryoso: It is really confusing and my emotions are mashed out and falling up and down when this came to my tiny mind. *smiling* What do you call the feeling when you’re turned-off for short period with someone you love? Turned-off man, you know what I’m saying.

Mr. Pure Energy: Go away. Stop acting over dramatic. It sounds so normal to me. And why are you making it a big deal? Why are you turned off? In what sense?

Miss teryoso: I know its normal gago. You mean the stuff like smelly feet, hard diction, sweaty armpits? Hell i know that normal turn offs but it’s nothing right and you still love the person. What i mean is different. It’s like the stuff we talked about of Sherlock’s. see, i’m trying to get this off my mind since i was only turned off for a SHORT SPAN of time. Anyway, to sum it up and to make it short and simple for you, It appeared to me as SOCIAL CLIMBING. I dread it man! ewww.

Mr Pure Energy: Oh SHIT!

Miss teryoso: Huh, What?

Mr. Pure Energy: That’s the bus! Got to go! CALL ME! * shouting voice fading.*

Miss teryoso: Grrr. Darn right.

My heart was shattered that night. It was the most painful feeling ever and the rain somewhat connected with me and it began to pour harder and heavier. Before that, I had the most memorable conversation with toks. It was our closing arguement. Predicted and as usual, I became the loser. I failed. Toks doesn’t want me back. I’m not convincing enough. I don’t want to sound like i was trying too hard. But i was sincerely serious. I’m dying to prove that i overcame my old immature self and how sorry i am that it took a lot of time to realize. I hate that i wasted time. OUR time. Toks was quiet and looks tired of listening. so i stopped. USELESS EFFORT. tough luck.

That must been the lonliest time I had. Paying last words to the love of your life and knowing that you won’t see each other the same as before. toks was listening that moment. Toks shrugged, looked and hugged me then walked away. No second look. Goodbye. i said, that was it.

Earlier that day was no less different, probably much difficult because i felt myself close to insanity. two consecutive nights and one day without proper bathe,meal,sleep and state of mind to get to work. Disaster. It wasn’t me. I don’t know who that person was.

How do I get myself into shit like that?

For the first time in my simple, complaint-less and cheapskate life, I was a mess. big time. Nobody to blame for my unhappiness. I got myself into my own shit. Nobody to blame but me.

Now picture me with a sad smile. yikes. overly pathetic.

How many wake up calls from people did i receive? i answered and hung up then got back to sleep. hello stupid.. Louder. HELLO? Still nothing. Nothing.

i heard the loudest and defening one after that night. And it came from no one else but myself. i can hear myself saying, change-for-yourself. What’s with those fights. What’s with those pain. What’s with you and why can’t you change? If you dont want to take SHIT then discipline yourself. Everything else will follow. Think of toks. Think if you could imagine your life without toks. Toks is tired and so are you.

It kills me to let toks go.

Finally, i am awake. And this time i really want to. With high hopes.

emo.emo.emo. what does it really mean? i find as a totally pathetic state and disposition– let’s say maybe i’m a dropout of bs e.q. (emotional ïntelligence quotient) in-depth understanding,specialization and application.theres nothing like it right? guys please let me know if one really exists. hehe. just made it up. actually, im secretly hoping there’s a shortcourse easily available–coz ill definitely sign-up right through with no second thoughts!

why do some people have such low e.q.? has it something to do with environment? genetic structure? acquired lifestyle or its an unknown phenomenal human disorder? its so funny whenever i get caughtup in one of the rare situations wherein it is a requirement (and i say when there’s really no room for emotionless individuals) to be very emotional. i could last there and be like them for a while,fine. but when i gets really nasty quiet and everyone is teary and blowing noses, seems like something in my heart ticks and will explode any minute. quite awkwardly amazing feeling, believe me.

you may think im far more pathetic than anyone esle here alive. i have the same feeling some wicked chances in my life too. go ahead and let me know and im open for bad comments and trash talking! ive trained my heart and now its like a pinyata (noun;mexican smashing object used in parties).

deep sigh.

i still believe being emo is just a natural pathetic state in all normal human’s life.its just i have a hard time figuring out my own state because of my low e.q. or my pessimistic attitude or my gift of sarcasm. emo has something to do with anger, self-esteem and misguided self-awareness. im everyday willing to enhance my emotional intelligence so i could better manage emotions of my own as well as others. i wont quit. remember–

"one of the saddest sights is someone who has given up."